You have been gathering lots of information. Maybe you now have a diagnosis, and maybe you don’t. Either way, a diagnosis is not a magic pill (spoiler alert-nothing is). It can help to understand your child and their needs better, and it might make a lot of sense, but the diagnosis itself doesn’t make everything easier.

You have set up your team, and are on the way.

Take a step back and gain some perspective. Where are things at for your child, for yourself, for your family? How is your family functioning overall? What other things are happening for your family? 

Look back at this journey and now that you (hopefully) have the supports in place, you can see the whole picture. Sometimes through this process, we become so focused on the difficulties or challenges in behaviours and interactions with our child because this is what is the focus when being assessed or receiving services. The greater the difficulty, the more services you receive and so you may have become hyper focused on the challenges as that is what we are highlighting in all of the meetings (aka lists as proof of difficulties).

What now? Where are we now? What is the plan moving forward? What supports can we put in place to keep things at a healthy and functional baseline for everyone? What resources do we have to tap into when the going gets tough again? More on this later.

Now is the time to step back and see your child’s progress, your progress, and your child as a whole person. Shine the spotlight on other areas in your child’s life. Where does he excel? What does he love doing? What can he hyperfocus on? The ability to hyperfocus concentration on one task is a great skill! What are his intrinsic strengths? When we ask this question, we aren’t searching for what they are good at (good soccer player, great at chess) but rather the characteristics behind that- patience, kindness, sensitivity, follow through, organisation. If we can highlight these traits for our child, we can help to draw them out further. (click here for a video that highlights this further)

It is time to pause, and take a moment to say well done. It is time for a victory dance!

Personal Experience-

I have a child who really struggles with controlling his impulses. This can be very challenging at times, but it also means that when he is in a situation that others may call ‘icky’, like once a student vomited in the hallway, when everyone ran away, he didn’t stop to think that it might be icky, and instead he impulsively sprang into action to help get the other student water and clean it up. I only found out about it because the other students mother called to let me know. I was so proud of my son, and I bring up the example to him to show how his impulsivity can serve him well, too.

Hold perspective. As the adult you know the bigger picture. You know the life span. You can guide and hold space, knowing that this storm will pass. You can support your child as he integrates this new knowledge of himself into his life. You can support them from saying “this is the worst thing that happened to me” to understanding the amazing capabilities and skills that he does have.

This process has been demanding and challenging at the best of times, there may be self-esteem to build back up. This kid is strong and capable and clever and able and just learns and understands the world differently to the kid sitting next to him (but don’t we all to an extent?).

Okay, so you may or may not know that I talk to myself- a lot. Well, we all do, but I do it out loud. Here is an example, you can read it with your eyes or say it out loud- take it or leave it.

Repeat after me:

“We have been on a huge journey together and have achieved so much! We have grown through this! We can and should celebrate our successes and wins- even if they seem small! We are actually awesome!!”